Phew. Its been an unstable few days full of fever dreams and thereaflu. The 4 hrs sleep, extreme cold, and unsavory travel conditions finally caught up with me. I’ve been huddled in the fetal position the last few days, but I am finally back to a functional state.
Luckily I have wonderful parents to help me in such times. One thought occurred to me though as I blindly shoved pill A and B down my throat. Wow, I sure am glad I trust my parents. Who knows what I am taking right now. I could be ingesting ecstasy laced ruffies for all I know, but we trust the judgment of those we love enough to take what is given without a second thought. So here’s a thought. Why do we often times take the advice of complete strangers when it comes to something so fragile as movies? “Oh you gotta see “Wack Cleaning Inc.” it’s the best thing I’ve seen, TRUST ME.” Ohhhh trust you, that sounds comforting. And it does! All of a sudden it seems like everyone you talk to on the streets is raving about this Wack Cleaning, you’d be crazy not to go! So you give a shrug of the shoulders and invest half your night into waiting in line for the chance to get in on the latest indie sensation. After hours of anticipation, and selling your soul for a ticket, you find a seat and the lights dim. But instead of the fake air high fives you want to be giving to all those anonymous film mentors on the street, you kinda wish you had a blunt object and no witnesses. You turn to your friends who also took the bait, and all think the same thought in unison, “Fuck, why didn’t we sit closer to the aisle”
This happened to me and a few unfortunates twice at Sundance. We got hustled by the 10,000 lb faceless bully known as ‘the indie hype machine.’ I’ll keep the films nameless, like a whistleblower on Sixty minutes I’ll change the pitch of their voice and keep them in the shadows, but they know who they are. The interesting part is a lot of people bought into the hype and in one case, even gave a standing O to this horrible display of mediocrity. Am I a cynic? Yes. Film Nazi? Been called it once or twice. But here’s why I am justified. I am convinced there is a formula that exists, (I call it the ‘awww theory’) that once implemented turns the majority of people into a mushy pile of “awww” when they see it on screen. Pencil’s ready?
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